Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
