i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
