Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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