the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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