Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
