Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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