a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
