Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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