fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
