I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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