If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
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Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
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i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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