I wish I could punch you in the face.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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