are you so shy because you have an std?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
