My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
