fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
