you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize