I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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