my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
