there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize