I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
