I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
