I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
