A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
