We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
