hotel room ftw
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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