Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
