I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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