We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize