Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
