you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
