if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
