haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
