I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
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If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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