you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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