This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
