im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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