I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just gift wrapped bread.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
