I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
