You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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