It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
