since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
