a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
