I'll bet she douches with gravy.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
