If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
