in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
