He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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