I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
