im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
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