My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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