His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
PANTIES FOUND
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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