It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
