how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
