why im i the only drunk person in the library?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
