Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
