K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
