I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
