She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
