I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
