i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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