he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize