Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
