soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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