My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
