Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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