I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize