he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We have so much sex to catch up on
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm too high and old for this...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
