I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
