She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
