i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
