and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
